


Memories

by mjuhlar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, First Kiss, M/M, Romance, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1292932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjuhlar/pseuds/mjuhlar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets hurt and forgets everything. There is one thing he seems to have some feelings about, Castiel.  Will Dean figure it out or will he assume much more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who am I?

**Author's Note:**

> After 34 days in the hospital my husband is home. I have not had a chance to write all that much. All stories updated soon.
> 
> Enjoy a little Cas and Dean. I needed it.

The pain was intense. He knew that it was bad. He should have thought the attack through before charging in full steam. That was his way though, guns blazing and thinking on the run. A miss judgement that he probably won't live to regret.

He pulls himself into a safe spot, hidden from the fight still going on. Sam will find him later. Poor Sam, he is going to be really pissed at Dean for going off script. Well he won't be able to hear the yelling and see the bitchface.

Tears stream down his face, he is really cold. The cement floor sapping the little bit of warmth he still has. He knows he is fading fast. His head is pounding and he feels weak. The last thing he does is send a prayer out.

"Cas, I fucked up, Cas. I need you to take care of Sam for me. You have to do that for me Cas. I am so sorry." He lifts his face toward the ceiling of the warehouse, "I wish I had a little more time Cas. Talk about miss opportunity. I never said anything, never knew how. I love you, every feathery bit of you. I have for years, bad timing, I know. I just need you to know, I can't have you not knowing."

His eyes close and he begins to fade before he can hear the faint sound of wings near him.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Dean has been awake for a few hours now. He feels heavy and groggy and very fucking confused. He has been listening to everyone talking all around him since he woke up and freaked out. The beeping of the monitor is driving him crazy, as is the tubes in his nose and arm.

He has no idea where he is, who all these people are, or who the fuck he is. It is scary to wake, knowing you are hurt, but have a blank brain. He freaked out, of course he did. They had come in and pumped him full of something that made him pass back out. He decided he didn't like the way it made him feel so he isn't doing that again. He needs to calm down.

He glances around the room at the people inside. The really tall guy, freakishly tall, is Sam. He figures that out quick. Sam is his brother, Sam is as freaked out as he is. He also knows that his own name is Dean. It rings a slight bell in his melon. Maybe things will fall into place.

The Asian, Kevin, is a mystery. He can't be related to him. There is also a short little red head, Charlie, that seems to be trying to take control of the room and calm everyone. Dean had thought she was his sister, but she isn't. He smiles slightly at her. She seems to be able to get all the others to follow her lead.

Dean decides to close his eyes and pretend to be alseep. He isn't ready to deal with any of this. He keeps his ears open to listen to the conversation though. Maybe it will help him remember to hear them talking.

"Where is Castiel?" Kevin asks.

Sam sighs, "He disappeared after he saved our asses and got us here to the parking lot. He burned up most of his energy getting us here. He went to clean up our mess. He said he had to take care of a few things so he could be here for a while. He will be back. I have sent him a 'message' that Dean has woken up and can't remember shit." Dean notices that he says the word message differently.

"How is he handling that? I mean he is going to flip out if Dean can't recall him at all. Dean is Castiel's whole reason for even being down here at all. This isn't going to be good." Kevin is pacing.

Sam rubs his face with his hands, "I don't know, I sent the message and now wait for him to drop in. I agree, it isn't going to be good."

Dean lays there listening, He wonders who Castiel is. He must be important. Sam said he saved him. He tries to remember, he knows after listening that he should remember him. All Dean gets is a really warm, nice feeling when he hears the name. He will figure it out later, when he isn't as tired.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Dean opens his eyes, seeing two huge blue globes staring back at him. He jumps a little. He can't help but notice that those eyes are fucking amazing. Who the hell has eyes that color?  
Blue-eyes cocks his head to the side as he looks over Dean some more. Dean feels his body grow warm under the look.

"Dean."

It is barely a whisper. Dean can hear the deepness of the voice even through the softness. The man takes two fingers and places them of Dean's forehead. The blue eyed man looks confused. He pulls his fingers away and just stares. Dean can't form any words, he just stares back.

"Hey Castiel. You're back, didn't hear you get here." Charlie says as she touches the blue eyed mans shoulder. " I see the staring thing didn't change any."

So this is Castiel. Dean notices that he feels safer than he has since he woke up earlier today. It is as if his body knows this man in front of him, even if his brain doesn't. The panic and lost feeling fades some, this is the first time since waking that a bit of comfort seems to wash over him.

Dean takes in the whole man in front of him. He looks kind of shabby, baggy clothes, trench coat, like a bum accountant. His hair needs a comb and he has a five o'clock shadow most men would kill for. The face really didn't fit the clothes. Dean smiles a little.

Cas sees the small lift at the corner of Dean's mouth. Cas isn't sure why he can't just fix Dean. His power seems unable to knock the memories back into place.

Charlie starts to feel awkward watching the two men. Everyone eventually feels it when the two of them start that intense staring at each other. She sighs and sees that even if Dean can't remember Castiel, he still knows him. It would be much easier on everyone if the two of them just figured out they love each other. The tension is stifling.

"So Castiel, how long you sticking around for? Do you have to feather off soon?" Charlie tries to break the stare.

"I am here for Dean. Nothing is more important right now." Cas states, as if she should already know this.

Dean's mouth drops open. Holy Mother Of God, that voice is not supposed to come out of a nerdy dude. He had heard Castiel whisper, but it was nothing like real thing. Dean feels heat envelope his whole body.

"Ok then, um, I am gonna go get Sam, he headed to get some food. The doctor will be in soon." Charlie starts to back out of the room, "Oh Castiel, we had to tell them you were his brother. Only family is allowed in the room and well, we really figured it just made it easier."

"Of course, thank you for thinking of me. What ever allows me to be here, in the open."

Just who the hell is this guy anyway. Dean fights to stay awake, but soon his body wins the fight and he drifts off, wondering just who Castiel Is to him.

With that, Charlie spins and heads to get Sam. She has a feeling that things are going to get interesting.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

"His body is healing wonderfully. It is actually a miracle really." The Doctor explains to the room.

Three pairs of eyes turn and look at Cas. Dean catches the action. He wonders what is going on. Before he can ask, the doctor starts talking again.

"We feel he can be released to you today, but you have to bring him in a week for a check up and some therapy." There is a loud sigh that seems to escape from three of the four visitors.

"How can we help him?" Sam asks.

"We think the amnesia is temporary. Retrograde amnesia usually will correct itself all on its own. He will remember the odd thing here or there. He will have pop culture and those kinds of knowledge, it is the personal info he will have trouble with. The best thing you can do is just act normally. Let him look through pictures and answer his questions. All we ask is that you try not to shock him too much. Let's try not to put anything really major into his brain until we know a little more."

Once again, three sets of eyes lock on to Castiel. He is starting to wonder if Castiel may know things that might freak him out. Dean actually laughs a little.

Suddenly, all eyes are on him.

"Relax guys. Just get me the hell out of here. I need a cheese burger and maybe some pie." Dean sighs and leans back.

Laughter fills the room, he opens his eyes again. Everyone is smiling at him, even Castiel, who always seems like he has a stick up his ass. He smiles a bit back.

The doctor makes the arrangements with Sam about the re checks and Charlie throws a bag with clothes at Dean.

"Get dressed Dori and I'll be back in a few. Castiel, come on, let him get dressed. Why don't you meet us back at the bunker. You could go get some burgers and pie and bring them back."

Cas just stares at Dean, he isn't sure he wants to leave him. Dean can see the inner conflict going inside of Castiel.

"I'm ok. I really could use a burger. This hospital food sucks. I will see you at home, ok? You will meet me there, right?" Dean tries to get Castiel to relax. He finds it weird that he is the one all fucked up, yet he is worried about this guy.

"Whatever you need. I will see you in a little while. Please be careful, Dean. Call me, if you need to."

Dean nods his head and watches Charlie usher Castiel out the door. As soon as the door shuts, Dean can feel the panic rise a little. It seems that Castiel somehow keeps the complete lost feeling buried a bit. Dean knows Castiel will meet him back at home. No need to panic.

Dean throws his clothes on pretty quick, being careful of the cuts and bruises. There is a large brown envelope in the bag, Dean sees his wallet and some jewelry in it. He figures he doesn't need that right now, he throws it back in the bag and hollers for Charlie.

 


	2. Who is he?

Dean walks into the bunker with a shocked look on his face. "We live here? Holy crap. I have a sexy ass car and a fucking bunker?"

Sam laughs, "Yeah, long story. We will get there. Here let me show you your room, maybe it will jog your memory."

Sam takes Dean down the hall and opens the door to his room. Sam had come home earlier and removed the weapons that hung on the walls. He wasn't sure if that was a major shock his brain didn't need.

Dean smiles and jumps on the bed, "Memory foam, seems rather funny. Memory." Dean laughs.

Sam watches him close his eyes and relax. "Why don't you relax for a few, I'll come get you when Castiel gets here."

Dean gives Sam a thumbs up, never opening his eyes.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

"Ok, we can't tell Dean that Cas is an angel. Talk about major shock. We will hope that his memory will start filling in the blanks." Sam sits with Kevin and Charlie.

"That is all well and good but he has to wonder about him. Christ, even with the amnesia, they still have that see into my soul stare." Charlie shivers.

"I'm sure he will assume that Cas is like you guys, our friend that is like family. No big deal, we will figure it out. Cas is just going to have to live."

"I see this slapping you in the face, Sam It isn't a good idea to make Cas wait to talk to Dean. It isn't fair." Charlie argues.

"Well that's what we are doing."

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Dean gets up out of the bed and starts to open draws and checks out the clothes inside. He sees lots of jeans and tee shirts. Everything looks well worn and comfortable. He walks to the small closet and opens it. A small laugh escapes him. Flannel. Lots of plaid. Seems Sam and he both have a thing for it. he touches the different shirts, noticing the colors of a few. Bright blue in the plaid, like Castiel's eyes. Dean shakes his head and closes the closet.

Dean starts to feel the walls closing in on him. He feels panic beginning to grab at him. He hates the feeling of being lost. Dean decides to head out to find Castiel. He doesn't want to be alone, and Castiel fixes that.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

"I think you underestimate him"

Dean can hear Castiel's low voice talking, he slows down and quietly listens.

"Castiel, we understand where you are coming from. We know how you feel about him, but Sam thinks it is better to see if he can remember on his own first. We do not want to shock him." Charlie tries to explain, "We want you here, just try to not do anything to shocking."

"If you think it will help Dean, I will try. I will say that I do not agree."

Dean is confused about what they are wanting to keep from him, it sounds like Castiel doesn't agree. After standing there for a few more minutes, Dean decides the panic is winning out over wanting to stay hidden and listen.

"Hey Wolverine, hows it going?" Charlie asks.

Dean waves a bit but walks past every one to stand near Cas. Sam watches his brother break the personal space rule that Dean has bitched about for years. He watches as Dean's hand slowly reaches out and holds the sleeve of Cas' coat. Things are going to get very interesting.

Cas feels Dean's hand on his coat. He looks over at him, "Feeling Okay, Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas. Feeling better now." Dean smiles at him. Dean can't explain why this one person can make the anxiety disappear.

Cas hears Dean use the nickname he gave Castiel and it fills Cas with a warm rush. Maybe slowly his Dean will find his way back.

"I picked up your favorite burgers and I got you apple pie. They were out of cherry. I would have gone somewhere else, but I wanted to get back."

"Apple is great. Thanks."

Cas just watches Dean, Dean's eyes are locked on his. He can feel the tension flowing out of Dean. "Would you like to eat?"

Dean catches himself staring. He laughs a little, "Yeah, that would be great."

Dean goes and sits down almost dragging Cas by his sleeve. Everyone is watching and wondering what he is doing. Cas follows without a word. He sits beside Dean, making sure Dean can hold his trench coat.

Dean dives into his food with gusto. Every one around is talking and eating. Everyone but Cas.

"You aren't hungry, Cas?" Dean asks.

"I don't require...." Cas starts

Sam interrupts, "He already ate, right, Cas?"

Cas just looks at Sam and nods. Cas is not comfortable keeping things from Dean. Cas isn't very good at lying, either. The last time he kept things from Dean, bad things happened.

"So Cas, is this your work uniform? I haven't seen you wear anything else." Dean asks with a mouth full of burger.

"Um, Uniform?"

Charlie jumps in, "Yeah, well you know how those people at the top are, always wearing those suits. Cas why don't you go change and relax, you don't have to worry about work for a little while, right?"

Cas tilts his head. Sam decides to just send a prayer out in his head hoping it reaches Cas. "Cas, I pray to you, just go into Dean's room and change into something. He can't see you in that all the time. Amen."

Cas looks over at Sam with an angry look, this is going to get too confusing before it is all over. Cas is willing to at least try, if it will help Dean.

Cas looks over at Dean beside him, "I'll be right back." Cas shrugs his coat off and rests it next to Dean on the seat of the chair. Dean quietly pulls the coat over to his lap and smiles at Cas. Cas knew to leave the coat, he knew it was a comfort to Dean.

Dean watches as Cas leaves the room. A slight wave of panic hits. His hand wraps around the coat in his lap. He can feel the others eyes on him but he chooses to ignore it and grabs the pie that Cas had cut for him.

 

XXXXXXX

 

Dean sits and listens as Charlie and Kevin argue about what gaming system is best. He isn't following too closely. Sam has brought the dirty dishes into the kitchen.

Dean hears someone enter back into the room, he raises his eyes to see who. His breath catches in his throat. Cas is standing there in a pair of faded jeans, loose on his hips. Cas has bare feet. He has a faded Led Zeppelin tee shirt on with a flannel over it. Holy crap, it is the plaid shirt Dean had compared to his eyes earlier.

Dean doesn't remember anything from his past, but he knows that he has never seen anything quite as awesome as Cas looks right now. Their eyes lock, Cas smiles slightly.

Charlie watches the interaction between the two. Oh this is going to be very, very fun to watch.

As Dean watches Cas, he realizes again that he is wearing the clothes from inside his room. Dean is starting to figure out a few things. Cas' clothes are in his room. Cas makes him feel safe, comfortable. His body reacts to Cas more than anyone else. "Holy Crap." Dean thinks, "I'm gay."

Dean figures that no one wants to tell him. He guesses they didn't want him to be shocked and flip out more. He is supposed to remember on his own. Dean has to admit that there isn't any true memory there, just feelings. He knows he loves Castiel. He knows it down to every fiber of his being. There is no doubt in his foggy mind that he is head over heels for the dorky dude. He grabs the coat tighter on his lap.

Sam enters the room and notices the staring between his brother and the angel. Looks like somethings never change. Sam sees that Cas has changed into Dean's clothes and he actually looks pretty normal. The shirt makes his eyes even more blue, if that is even possible.

Sam catches Charlie's eyes and she smiles at him. Knowing her she is trying to fangirl how to make those two married before tomorrow.

"So Dean," Sam interrupts the eye love, "Anything seem to be clicking in place?"

Slowly Dean drags his eyes from Cas to his brother. "Somethings seem to be coming clearer, feelings mostly."

"Oh, good. Like what?" Kevin asks Dean.

Dean looks back at Cas who has stayed at the edge of the room, "This and that."

"Ok." Kevin says.

"Are you going to come sit Cas?" Dean asks.

Cas nods and heads over to sit next to Dean. Once seated, Cas feels a hand softly holding on to his sleeve again. Cas shifts his head and subtly lets Dean know it is ok.

XXXXXXXX


	3. Please Remember

XXXXXXXX

  
After a little while, the group headed into the living area, where they were now. Cas sits near Dean on the sofa. Dean still has Cas' trench coat on his lap and no one has said a word about it. He is having trouble staying awake.

"Would you like to go to sleep Dean?" Cas softly asks Dean.

"No, I'm ok." Dean answers. Dean wants to go back to bed, he doesn't want to be alone, yet he doesn't want Cas to go back with him yet. He may have figured out a bit, but he is still not wanting everyone else to start asking questions. He will deal with some of it later.

"Staying up isn't going to help you, you realize this? I will go back with you if you want, Dean. If that makes you more comfortable."

Dean looks around the room, no one seems to be paying attention to the conversation. "I'll head back there, will you come back later?" Dean doesn't want to kick Cas out, he wants him there, he just wants to settle first.

With a tilt of his head, Cas answers him, "Whatever you need. Just call. I'll be there."

Dean gets up, taking the coat, "I'll see you in a little while." He turns and heads toward the hall, "Goodnight Sam, Charlie, and Kev. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night Dean" They all say together.

Dean isn't even half way to his room when he hears the talking start. He stops to listen.

"What are you going to do tonight Cas? You gonna hang out in here?" Sam asks.

Dean's stomach aches a bit. They all think Cas can't even sleep in the room because Dean might freak. Dean feels bad but he knows Cas said he will come in a little while.

"I am going to make sure Dean is ok." Cas responses.

Sam quickly says, "Maybe you should just leave him be Cas. Give him space. We can't risk..."

"I'm doing what you asked me to do Sam." Cas snaps back, Dean can hear the anger in his voice. "You said not to do anything, let him remember. I am doing my best Sam. Did you ever once think this isn't easy for me either."

Dean hears someone get up. Charlie starts talking, "Castiel, we can't possibly know how this feels. Sam, stop rolling your eyes, we all know he is your brother, but lets think about how Cas feels. He is going to remember you, Cas. I get it. You love him."

Dean catches his breath, he hears the sound of a bird or something, then silence.

"Great Charlie, who knows where the hell he went. Sorry if I'm a little less than sympathetic to him. Dean is my brother, ya know." Sam barks out.

"It's Castiel, he didn't go far, and what the hell Sam. I know your brother got hurt and that sucks but he will remember you. Even if he didn't, you're brothers. You have over thirty years in that head. Think of how Cas feels. Dean is his life, he dragged his ass back from hell and the guy doesn't know who he is. He is trying his best to do what we asked. Have some fucking sympathy for him. Castiel loves Dean more than anything else in this universe, Cas has proved it. It is why your brother is alive today, both of them really."

Dean hears enough and turns back to his room. All the feelings inside are just confirmed. He loves Castiel and Castiel loves him. It is apparent that Cas has saved his ass from some bad shit. Dean wonders just what hell he has gone through.

Back in his room, Dean grabs a pair of shorts and a new tee shirt and climbs into bed, bringing Cas' coat with him. He closes his eyes, wondering how long it will take for Cas to come.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Cas watches Dean sleep, trench coat wrapped in his arms. He steps to the bed and carefully sits. Charlie didn't say anything new to Cas. Demons, angels, and humans alike have told Dean time and time again that Castiel loves him. He remembers the day Meg told Dean that Cas was his boyfriend first, the time Bal told Dean that Cas was in love with him. Everyone knows, everyone but Dean, it seems.

Cas heard Dean say it. Dean told him he loves him. Dean was upset that he waited too long. Now Dean couldn't remember him at all. Cas shook his head at that thought, that wasn't exactly true. Today Dean grasped on to him. Cas was Dean's comfort in all the chaos. Dean must have some feelings there, he must.

Cas silently laughs at himself. Here an Angel of the Lord was panicked that the human he loves won't remember loving him back. Cas had waited for 5 years for those words to come out of Dean's mouth. It would figure. Maybe it is his fathers way of punishing him for all the wrongs Cas has committed. He did them all for Dean. It would serve him right to not be remembered.

Cas places his palm against Dean's shoulder, through his shirt, against the faded mark he left years ago. He can feel the pull of the small amount of grace he left behind when he rebuilt Dean. He has wondered all day if he could use the grace left in Dean to make him remember. Of course, Sam would be mad. Little brother finally protecting the older. He won't go against Sam, as hard as this is.

Cas slowly removes his hand, glancing up at Dean's face, green eyes glow back at him in the dark.

"Hey Cas. You coming to bed?" Dean softly murmurs as he pulls back the covers to make room.

"No Dean, I am not going to sleep in here tonight. I came to make sure you felt ok." Cas looks at the floor while he answers.

Dean sits up, "Cas, just come to bed, forget Sam. I want you to come to bed."

"Dean, I am not going to forget Sam. He wants you to remember things on your own. I am not to fill in the blanks or show you anything. I am trying to do this right, Dean."

Dean scoots closer to Cas on the bed, "You are the only thing that feels right."

Cas looks up at the ceiling, he throws out a silent prayer to his father to help him through this. "There is nothing I would rather hear Dean, other than you remembering everything, including you getting hurt. I have made a promise not to push. I will not break it. I have caused too many problems when I have done what I want."

"Will you stay here at least?"

Cas runs his hands over his face, such a human thing to do, before reaching and placing his fingers to Dean's forehead, " I will stay for a bit. You are safe Dean. Sleep." He taps Dean softly, putting him to sleep.


	4. Respect

Fire. There is fire everywhere. He feels his hands full of a small child, running.

Dean wakes up panting and sweating. He remembers running with Sam. They were so small. He falls back flat to the bed, eyes burning. He knows it's real, not a dream. What a memory to get back.

After a while, Dean knows he isn't going to fall asleep again. He decides to get up and get dressed. He wants to find Cas and eat something.

He remembers his envelope from yesterday that he left in his bag. He dumps it out on the bed. He grabs his wallet and shoves it into his back pocket. He sees an necklace and a ring. He grabs the ring and looks at it.

''Holy mother fucker!"

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Dean walks into the kitchen. He hasn't seen Cas yet. He figures he will be in the kitchen. He isn't though. Dean sees Sam and Charlie sitting together. Charlie looks pissed off.

"Morning." Dean says, echoing through the kitchen. " You seen Cas anywhere?"

"I'm right here Dean. Are you well?"

Dean jumps and looks behind him, Cas is mere inches from Dean. " Holy shit. You're like a ninja. I never even saw you coming."

Sam sighs, "Yeah, Castiel is a real ninja."

Dean looks over at Charlie and Sam. Sam has his bitch face on. Somehow, Dean understands that this is a normal thing. Charlie on the other hand, smiles bright.

Cas is still wearing the clothes he wore last night. Dean wonders where he slept. " Can I talk to you Cas?" He hears Sam shift behind him. "Alone."

"Whatever you need, Dean." Cas breathes out.

Dean knows that Castiel means that. Whatever Dean needs, he will do it. The sincerity in his voice and eyes are silently screaming at him. Dean grabs Cas' hand and pulls him back down the hall.

Dean shuts the door to his room, well maybe their room is a better way to say it, he thinks.

Cas stares at Dean, wondering what is going on in his head. He watches as Dean digs in his pocket and places something in Cas' hand.

Cas opens his hand. Dean's ring sits in his palm. He tilts his head, confusion sets in.

"Where's yours?" Dean asks, anger present in the words. "Why aren't you wearing it? Why the fuck is everyone hiding this? It's the only thing that feels real."

"I don't....."

"Stop. Ok. I don't care what Sam says, start talking to me."

Cas stares at Dean. He is unsure what to say, or what Dean's ring has to do with anything.

Both of them turn as the door flies open and Sam storms in with Charlie hot on his heels, attempting to stop him. He doesn't even wait for the door to hit the wall before Sam starts yelling, "Cas, you said you would let him remember on his own."

Once again, Cas' head tilts. He is almost lost in the conversation. He wishes Sam would just be quiet so he could help Dean. That is what matters.

"You need to just leave it alone Cas, regardless of....."

It takes one more minute of Sam whining before Cas loses it. " Sam. Quiet. You are not my concern at this moment. Your brother is." As Cas' anger builds, the lights around them flicker. "I have not broken the word I gave you, however ridiculous I believe it to be. I've gone against every feeling I have, just to make you more comfortable. You are no longer my concern!"

Dean looks up at the lights. The flickering is increasing and the shelves around the room start to shake. Charlie moves slowly, backing up to the door. It slams shut behind her. Her eyes widen, she has never seen Castiel, Angel of the Lord, in action. She really wishes she didn't see it now.

"What the fuck?" Dean looks at Cas.

Sam swallows. He realizes he just crossed the invisible line that Dean and Cas have. He has seen the look Castiel has right now, he is usually killing something, something hurting Dean. "Ok, Cas, I need you to calm down. Dean is fine."

One bulb pops, the table lamp in the corner goes out. "Fine? He is fine? My thoughts on fine differ from yours. You have not once considered what this is doing to me. Do you think because you tease about our relationship that it isn't serious? I've given everything for him, including helping you." Cas leans close to Sam, "I suggest you show me some respect."

Dean stares at Cas. He has heard those words before. He has had Cas saying those same words to him. He steps closer to Cas, touching his arm gently. "Cas," he whispers softly to him, "I'm ok. Hey, calm down."

The lights in the room stop flickering and the shelves rest easy. Cas steps back from Sam, Dean's hand still around his arm.

"Come on angel, come over here, sit on the bed." Dean drags Cas to the bed.

Dean realizes that all three other people in the room are watching him.

"What did you call Castiel?" Charlie asks.

Dean just shrugs, "Angel. And don't give me shit Sam. I can't see why you make him hide who he is. Christ, did you think I was going to freak that bad?"

"Well yeah Dean. It isn't exactly normal." Sam looks over at Charlie. Charlie just shrugs.

"Not normal Sam. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are you kidding me?" Dean sits next to Cas. "Being Gay isn't a crime?"

Cas' head shoots up to look at Dean, it finally clicks, the ring. "Dean..."

"No Cas, it's fucked up that he wanted to hide it. You have been the only thing that is real. I know just by looking at you that I love you. It's in every cell that makes me up. I buzz with it." Dean takes the ring from Cas' hand and slides it on his own finger, on his left hand. "Where is yours?"

Cas just stares at him. He wonders how he can be simaltaniosly happy and sad in the same moment. He turns to look at Charlie. She is half smiling, yet crying a little. She would understand how he feels. Sam looks completely confused.

Cas closes his eyes. He opens them again, staring straight at Sam. "Do you understand now, Sam? Everything I have ever wanted is sitting here and telling me everything I have waited five of your years to hear. Are you happy I didn't say a word, Sam?"

Castiel turns and slides off the bed to kneel in front of Dean, "I love you, Dean Winchester. I have loved you for years, will continue to love you for the rest of my existence. Every cell that you are made of, I love. Please remember, remember what you told me days ago, please." Cas' hands slide to Dean's jaw, he leans down and brushes Dean's lips with his own gently before steping back and vanishing.

"What the fuck?" Dean jumps up.

"Way to go Cas, can't get out of telling him now, can you Sam?" Charlie turns and opens the door, "And another thing, Sam, next time you want to piss off Castiel, make sure I'm not around. I really would hate to be smited by association." She give a small smile to Dean, "I will be here when he is done talking, Dean, if you need me." She turns and walks away.

"Shit, great. Great Cas, thanks for that. I know you can hear my ass. Get back here please." Sam yells to the ceiling of the room.

"What the fuck, Sam. Where the hell did he go?" Dean starts pacing.

"Long story, short? Who knows where he went. In all honesty, I am not sure we ever know where he is."

Dean looks over at his Brother, "What does that even fucking mean?"

Sam pulls out the chair from the small desk, and motions for Dean to sit on the bed. Once Dean sits, he starts to try to explain. "Castiel came into our lives five years ago. You aren't married to him Dean. The ring is always on the other hand. You aren't even together."

"That can't be right . I feel it, I know it, Sam." Dean stares at Sam, wanting an explination.

"I know he loves you. We actually tease you both over it. You never admit it Dean. You stare at each other as if nothing else matters and you are closer than anyone I have ever seen, but you never have taken that leap. From what he said, you must have said something to him, finally. That wasn't what I wanted to hide Dean. The fact that he is an Angel of the Lord, seems to overshadow the whole love thing, though not by much."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I thought you should try to remember all that shit on your own. I didn't take Cas' feelings into account at all. I guess I should have really put myself in his shoes. I mean he dragged you out of hell, and rebuilt you from scratch. He has died for you, fallen for you and given you everything he can, I asked too much of him. His heart must be all messed up."

Dean just looks at his brother. He looks down at his ring, "I'm not married to him? He is an angel?"

"Well, as Cas puts it, you have a profound bond. I guess married is right there with that, if you ever got the balls to tell him how you feel, and yeah, he is an angel. He can get pretty scary."

"No shit." Dean lays back on the bed. "Can I have a bit of time?"

"Sure, yeah. You are taking this kinda easy."

Dean laughs, "Hard to believe but I have a feeling that fucked up shit and us go hand and hand."

Sam chuckles, gets up and heads to the door, "I am sorry Dean, I didn't think. Tell him I didn't think."

Dean hears the door close. He is fully confused. He can't figure out why he isn't freaking out. It's as if his brain already knew Cas was different. What he is more upset and confused about is the fact that he isn't married to him. What the hell is wrong with him?

 


	5. Mine

XXXXXXXX

 

"I am the one that gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition"

"I shouldn't be here in this den of iniquity"

"I learned that from the pizza man."

Dean wakes and sits up. Memories flood his head. He remembers Cas, the barn, Bobby. He is a hunter. He remembers. He remembers fighting and getting hurt, he prayed. He prayed to Cas, told him to watch Sam. Dean was going to die, he knew it. He told Cas that he loves him. He remembers. He raised Sam mostly himself, Kevin is the prophet, Charlie is the little sister he never asked for, but is glad he found. He remembers.

He sits up and runs for the other room.

"Charlie, lets go. We are taking Baby for a little road trip. I'll bring you back some of that shitty rabbit food, Sam. Be back in a little while." Dean never stops.

Charlie grabs her shoes and runs after him. "He remembers Sam! He remembers."

XXXXXXXX

 

Hours later, sitting on his bed, Dean Prays.

"Hey Cas, I hope you have your ears on, not that you'll get that reference. Sam talked to me today, he filled in some blanks I had. I have to be honest Cas, it never freaked me out that you were an angel, hell I guess my brain maybe knew already. I was more weirded out that we weren't together Cas. In all the silence my brain had, you made sense to me. You and me was all I had to grasp onto. The only thing I knew was that I love you."

Dean grabbed the trench coat from the bed and spread it over his lap. "I remember Cas. I remember the Barn, I remember trying to get you laid, I remember you dying on me. I remember asking you to take care of Sam, I remember telling you that I love you."

Dean hears the wonderful sound of Castiel arriving in his room, he looks and sees him in front of him.

"You remember?" Cas asks, hope filling his brilliant blue eyes.

Dean stands up and walks to Cas, stopping inches from him. "I remember. I remember laying in that warehouse, thinking that I was going to die. I remember thinking that I had wasted so much time worrying about everything. I worried I wasn't worthy, I worried that you would leave me. I didn't want people to judge me, I am Dean Winchester, people have a preconceived idea of who I am. I was scared to change that. I am not scared anymore Cas."

Cas closes the distance between them, crashing his mouth to Dean's. His hands wrap around Dean's hips, pulling him closer. Dean's hands bury themselves into Cas' hair, deepening the kiss. They taste each other and savor every movement. Teeth and tongue fighting one another.

Dean slowly pulls back, resting his forehead against His angel's. "Cas, the best thing that happened to me is forgetting everything. The only thing my brain could remember was how I felt about you. You were the light in the fog" Deans hands fall from Cas' hair onto his hips.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, Dean. I heard your prayer and came as fast as I could, I almost didn't make it to you in time Dean. Never do it again. You can not be so reckless with your self. I cannot exist in a universe that you are not part of."

"I did a lot of thinking today, Cas. I know we have a profound bond and nothing can take that. Here though, most people don't know about that, I was wondering..."

Dean pulls his hands away from Cas and fiddles with his ring, still on his left hand. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box, "I went with Charlie today and picked this out. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to."

Cas takes the small box from Dean and opens it. Inside is a band, dark in color, as the light catches it, it shines different shades of blue and purple, almost iridescent.

"You are asking me to wear this." Cas states, "You want me to be yours in everyones eyes?"

Dean rubs his neck and looks at the floor. "Well I know every angel knows that I belong to you. It is practically etched into my ribs and scarred on my skin."

"Oh, it is definitely etched into your bones, Dean"

Dean laughs softly, "Well I want people here, humans, to know that you are mine. I can't etch you, so this will have to do. I mean a wedding is stupid. I am not sure Kansas will allow an angel to marry a hunter. Plus we are a bit beyond that I think. This is the forever kind of deal. Like even after I am gone from here, it is going to be me and you."

Cas slips the ring out of the box and Dean takes it from him. Dean takes Cas' left hand and slides the ring onto the finger, "Mine." Dean softly whispers.

Cas looks at his hand, watching the colors in the ring, "Yours."

Dean pulls Cas back into him. Their mouths meet with tenderness this time, slow and soft. Dean would love to kiss every inch of his angel, but he knows they have time. There is no need to rush into it. It sort of amazes Dean that it isn't all that important to him right now. Must be a sign that this is as real as it gets.

"I love you, Dean Winchester."

"I love you, Castiel." Dean breathes into Cas' neck as they hold each other close. "Lets go talk to the others. Charlie is freaking out. Don't be surprised if she wants to take us shopping for matching pjs and China patterns."

Cas tilts his head, not understanding why he would want to go to China, or wear pajamas.

"Don't worry about it, Cas. Come on." Dean drags is confused heavenly spouse out to tell his family.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of adding on the reactions of others.


End file.
